Be Curious, Not Judgmental
I was recently reminded of a quote from a show I love, Ted Lasso:
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
When I heard it, I was immediately taken back to the scene it came from—and it really got me thinking. I’ve been in the same situation as Ted so many times in my life.
One memory that sticks out is from college. After a few weeks of getting to know me, someone came up and admitted something: they initially thought I was intimidating, standoffish, unapproachable.
I remember thinking, Me?!
Back then, I was shy, nervous, unconfident, and deeply anxious. But when I asked her why she thought that, she said it was because I looked like I had my life together. I always had a good outfit on, seemed like I knew exactly where I was going, and didn’t really talk to many people. Some would describe it now as living a “mysterious life”.
And suddenly, it all started to make sense.
On the outside, those things may have been true. But if she, and others, had been curious, asked questions, and gotten to know me (like she eventually did), they would have uncovered a very different me.
Yes, I looked put-together, but only because if I wasn’t wearing something that made me feel good, I would be unproductive, anxious, and full of self-doubt. (Someone please explain the science behind this because it's still true today)
Yes, I always knew where I was going, but that was thanks to anxiety. If I didn’t plan my route and timing in advance, I’d fall apart.
As for “knowing exactly what I wanted”? That is still not true. But I’ve always worked hard to imagine myself in a future and career that fits me, even if I wasn’t sure what that looked like yet.
And the big one, being “mysterious” or not talking much. I can admit to that. I don’t share a lot of personal details. I don’t easily jump into conversations. I almost never make the first move when it comes to building friendships. Not because I don’t want to, but because social anxiety often takes over. It’s not standoffishness—it’s just fear. I'm working on it, though. And I hope over time, people see me more clearly.
But do you see how leading with judgment gives you an entirely different picture of who someone is?And how curiosity can open a door to understanding how someone really thinks?
When someone asks me questions, about myself or even something simple, it’s like a wall comes down. I’m no longer tense and anxious. I feel like I can open up, be myself, and connect.
This is just my take, but imagine all the people you pass by every day. People you may be silently judging based on one moment or one look.
What if, instead, you led with curiosity? Because frankly, you don’t know what someone is going through, their perspective on life or what they are thinking on the inside themselves.
As a whole I think we need to stop being so quick to judge and start being curious instead :)