Who Am I, Really?
Who Am I, Really?
That’s a question that pops into my head any time I’m feeling doubtful about where I am in life. I often catch myself wishing I was doing more, as if having a full-time job, joining a club, or pursuing a new degree will magically cure all my self-doubt.
But after some thinking, I’ve realized that none of those things are the root of the problem.
What I’m really searching for is confidence in myself, in the things I’m already doing, in who I already am. I want to feel like I belong, like I’m enough. And maybe the first step isn’t doing more, but instead just being more me. Easier said than done, right?
The truth is, I feel most like myself in the little moments:
Singing my heart out to Hamilton.
Getting the late-night zoomies before bed.
Busting out a dance move when a 2000s throwback hits just right,
Making people laugh, and not being afraid to be silly or embarrass myself.
Those are the parts of me I only show to people who really know me, but in those moments, I feel truly happy. So… why do I hold back from sharing that version of me with the world?
I think I need to stop seeking out things to fill the void and instead start seeking myself in the spaces I already exist.
Like walking through a store when a nostalgic song plays, and suddenly I’m 13 again—windows down, no shame, no fear, just joy. Or finding a Care Bears fleece at the thrift store and buying it immediately, not because I need permission, but because it makes me happy. Wearing outfits that might give “grandma” to some, but make me feel cozy. That’s my style, and I love it!
Choosing things just for me, because they bring me joy, that’s what builds confidence. That’s what helps me feel like me, no matter where I am.
I want to stop hesitating when I introduce myself.
Because the truth is:
I am interesting.
I am compassionate.
I am loved.
And I am exactly where I need to be.
It’s not a bad thing to want more for yourself. But sometimes, I need a gentle reminder that happiness isn’t found in chasing something new—it’s found in passion, in presence, in peace with where I already am.
There will be change—good change. But it won’t come from pretending to be someone else.
So now, I’m choosing to find out who Leelah (Aliyah) really is in her truest form.
For me <3